Mr. Bennet Urges You to See Pride and Prejudice on Oct. 26th, 27th, and 29th


Ethan Rezer, Sports Co-Editor

Concerning the Events of October 26th, 27th, and 29th

Mr. Bennet

My dearest friend,

I am writing to inform you of the present unraveling of my sanity. It is all I can do to simply remain in the room while my dear wife terrorizes my daughters with constant talk of matchmaking and “suitable gentlemen”. I have been subjected to these activities not only in my own house, but also while being dragged along to ball after ball marketing my children like fresh produce in the town square. I simply cannot stand it anymore – Jane’s constant worrying, Lydia’s squabbling with her sisters, my dear Lizzy’s firm – yet admirable – resolve against marriage, most of all my own wife’s constant matchmaking and talk of “catching” men – and Mary’s… … anyways, it is all too much for me. One more outburst of excitement about a new bachelor coming into town and I shall truly explode.

Getting to the point – there may be a way you can help me. Perhaps if you were to meet me at the next event, it may be a much more enjoyable evening for me with tolerable company at my side. Would you care to join me? There will be a series of three events, each taking place at 7:00. These events are on Wednesday the 26th, Thursday the 27th, and Saturday the 29th. They are ticketed, so please purchase tickets in advance of any of these events you plan to attend! I shall leave you with a final word of advice: if you see a man who appears to be unmarried while attending this event, please do not inform my wife. It will save both of us time we would rather not lose, I think. Thank you so much for your help, and I look forward to seeing you there!

Mr. Bennet, Head of the Bennet Household