By Matt Lesser, ’10, Contributor

I know you have heard the commercials:  “Come ride our fastest coaster yet!” “Relax and cool off in our water park!” “Let us take all your money and shake you out for what you’re worth!” If you are still drawing a blank, the magical place I am talking about is none other than Kings Island.

When people think of Kings Island, they usually get a tingly feeling inside and for good reason.  After all, Kings Island is an amusement park; it is supposed to be fun. But, for those of us who have worked there, the words “Kings Island” can arouse a quite different reaction.

Let me start by giving you a little background information. I worked at Kings Island this past summer as a merchandise associate, or in KI jargon, as lowest man on the merchandise totem pole. I was basically the whipping boy of my department. I was not in charge of anyone; everyone was in charge of me. For 40 to 50 hours each week, I stood behind a cash register, watching many different people from all walks of life have fun while I counted down the hours until I could have fun, too. I stood and stared longingly at the clock, waiting until my shift ended, whether it be at 5:00, 8:30, or midnight, because stocking shelves and bad-mouthing my supervisors provided only so much entertainment.

A typical workday went like this:  if I was working the early shift, I would wake up at 7:30, curse the heavens for getting me up so early, grab breakfast, and leave for KI. Once inside the main gate, I usually had only five to ten minutes of peace and quiet, with just a few employees and no customers to be found.  The job started for real at 8:30—the time when I and all of my co-associates started jockeying for the best work assignments. Some argued that the best job was working at the locker rentals, where you were always busy selling keys and never had time to sit around and count down the hours until you could go home.  Others believed the best assignment was working at Convenience Corner, a little store tucked far away from the main office, because the supervisors would not visit you as often, and you could more easily get away with slacking off.  Once we straightened out who went where, it was time to wash windows, sweep up, restock anything that was left empty from the previous night, put on a fake smile, and go to work.  For the next eight hours, two things happened: a lot of thinking and a lot of standing.

Working at KI usually involves working in a form of solitary confinement as the only employee assigned to a particular work post, which often drives many people to quit. Some people fill the time playing with the items in the stores. Some actually do work and stock shelves. Some write epic poetry or compose beautiful pieces of music. People will do whatever they can to keep themselves sane until the next payday.

I once heard a fellow associate say to someone that even “if you are homeless and unemployed and your bank account is at zero, exhaust all other options before getting a job at Kings Island.” Yes, it is true the hours are long, and the days are boring.  But, on the other hand, at the end of the summer, you can say that the experience was worth it and you will at least be happy you have some extra cash to spend.

Header photo courtesy of Matt Lesser.