By Holly Dayton, Lens Section Editor
The Scroll has just gotten the scoop about the new initiative started by Head of the Upper School Stephanie Luebbers: teacher field trips. What the students don’t know is that on weekends and after school, the Upper School teachers all file out into the back parking lot, get themselves into the school vans, and drive off campus for team-building activities, ice cream socials and other hidden, potentially shady, activities. The Scroll’s hired spy (whose name, for reasons of confidentiality, will not be revealed) followed them on their last trip and found that they were going… to the zoo.
Mr. Black leaped out of the van and ran up the escalators, muttering under his breath, “Where’s the baby giraffe?” He spent the next three hours first with Lulu (he found her), then blissfully getting lost in the nature and beauty of the Cincinnati Zoo. The rest of the teachers filed in through the gates after Mr. Black, some more, some less excited to be there.
“This is the perfect wrong place to be on a Saturday afternoon” said Mr. Plummer to Mr. Carr. Mr. Carr, sadly, didn’t hear him. He had been distracted when Mrs. Butler mentioned how the bear was rumored to be morbidly obese. “Paula, I don’t think you’ve ever met the Nugget, but Bear is not a fat baby” protested Carr vehemently.
Dr. Kairet, meanwhile, had split off from the group and was scouring the zoo for a Peregrine Falcon, one of the native birds of Belgium. Witnesses to the scene, little children with the mothers, testified to have heard her say as she passed, “Ca ne va pas! Ce n’est pas possible!”
Ms. Okel was spotted sitting on a bench, playing with her phone. When questioned about whether she liked the zoo, she responded, “No computers, no code, smelly people,” and went back to her smart phone.
Dr. Franzosa (whose name, Mrs. Dunn wanted me to add, she at least can spell) spent his time looking at empty exhibits. “You can see all the rocks better without the animals,” he said.
The few who really enjoyed the day’s outing were Mrs. Luebbers, Dr. Hecker and Mr. Carey. They walked the wide avenues of the zoo, arm in arm in arm, stopping at every exhibit and liking everything they saw. Mrs. Luebbers liked the petting zoo the best (“Look at all the sheep. THEY’RE SO FLUFFY!”), while Dr. Hecker preferred the snow leopards (“Aren’t these pretty? Now write a paragraph in French about… Sorry. Force of habit.”) Mr. Carey, on the other hand, was drawn to the penguins. “I saw “Happy Feet” recently, and watching the movie helps you understand them so much better,” he said.
As the group started reassembling back in the gift shop, the teachers at last found Mr. Brownstein, who had been missing all day. Happily smiling, Mr. Brownstein turned to his peers and said, crumbs on his lips, “Did you know they sell cookies at these zoo restaurants?!?!”
