Homework on Labor Day Weekend: A Comprehensive Investigation

Will Beyreis ’20, Lighter Fare Editor

This morning, I slept in. I ate a leisurely first meal of the day as my eyes wandered out the window to fresh dew on the grass, a beautiful end of summer day on the way. Then I dragged myself back to my desk and my day of chores and homework. “Why are we given homework on a day off from work?!” said a student who wished to remain anonymous. I contacted my esteemed peers to attain their thoughts on the matter.

“I didn’t really have any plans for Labor Day besides staring at my phone like a zombie and whispering sweet nothings into my couch’s ear, so homework is a nice alternative,” mused junior James Johnston in a brutally honest elaboration on his classmate’s positions. “I don’t mind it,” said Manav Patel, a position echoed by Riley Michalski: “I don’t really celebrate anything, and I actually have time to do it, but it’s still not fun, of course,” said the junior.

While the aforementioned individuals were relatively indifferent on the subject, homework on Labor Day may have placed the nation in a position of peril. “There I was, ready to go save the country from bankruptcy and future global warming, completely ready to succeed, but wait… I remembered I still had chemistry. I turned from saving America and began to study the definition of a molecule,” bemoaned Natalie DeBeer. Homework has presented a significant roadblock to the junior class president in her tireless quest for a better future for us all.

On the subject of better futures, Neil Badlani remarked that we might have the weekend free of homework, and instead receive a grade based on “who had the most fun, who had the best weekend.”

“I feel like my right to not do homework just doesn’t exist anymore. That’s got to have something to do with the constitution, or like the UN or something,” said Anushka Nair, the first to address the elephant in the room and point the finger at the powers that be.

Laney Stapp went further to proclaim, “By having homework on Labor Day, we are taking one step closer to slavery.” While some may disagree with this bold statement, it is the duty of the journalist to report and so report I shall.

On the other end of the spectrum, Sylvia Nica fully embraced the Labor Day assignments. “It makes me feel more patriotic. Dripping tears over my APUSH textbook really gets me in the American Holiday Spirit,” professed the student of American history. Her patriotic, scholarly ardor for long weekend assignments may be shared by few, but it is a shining example for us all.