By Jordann Sadler ’18, Perspectives Editor

Not everyone can sing the National Anthem and Fergie is one of them.

Fergie is officially on the can’t-sing-the-Star-Spangled-Banner-ever-again list. Butchering a Happy Birthday song, screwing up at a concert, forgetting the lyrics to All I Want For Christmas: the Star Spangled Banner is definitely not a place to do any of those things. If you can’t pull it off, sing it like the others. It is refreshing to hear unique redemptions of the Star-Spangled Banner. For example, Marvin Gaye brought his swag and suave voice to the 1983 NBA All-Star Game, and Whitney Houston’s Star-Spangled Banner at Super Bowl XXV in 1991 was so amazing, it was re-released and made into a single. If you don’t have the vocals for it, just sing it regularly. Whatever she was trying to do with that “OHHH OHHH SAYYYYY” was just confusing and I’m pretty sure she said “bright starsh” instead of “bright stars.” Fergie has such a unique singing voice that she could have sung it regularly and it would have been just fine.  But Fergie… oh, she’s been ranked as one of the worst redemptions of the National Anthems along with Christina Aguilera at Super Bowl XLV in 2011 and Rosanne Barr at the 1990 San Diego Padres game.

The underground jazz-style did not fend well with the American citizens nor the women and men who gave their lives to serve our country. We all knew something was wrong when Fergie walked to the microphone as if she was ready to seduce the American flag. That’s what it felt like—Fergie was trying to seduce us at the 2018 NBA All-Star Game 2018 NBA All-Star Game. The Eartha Kitt-Ella Fitzgerald-Marilyn Monroe-Billie Holiday mashup combined with sitting in one of those dollar, vibrating massage chairs in the mall and the vocal range of Mickey Mouse in baritone or Barry White taking in a big huff of helium… NO, Fergie NO.

I’m not even mad at Fergie. It is obvious she is surrounded by yes-(wo)men and wanted to revive her dying, non-glamorous, Black Eyed Pea-less career. Someone had to listen to this and gave her a thumbs-up. You monster! How could you! I bet this was a publicity stunt because she has definitely caught the nation’s attention. I am a few months late on this article, but I left just enough time for there to be some wonderful memes from Fergie’s monstrosity.

Some said, “it wasn’t that bad” or “people are overexaggerating.” Well, think about it, that’s not something you want to hear about your country’s National Anthem. Arguably, one of the most well-known songs besides Happy Birthday and Thriller, an “it wasn’t that bad” is certainly not a compliment.

To make matters worse, Fergie ends with so much confidence. Like a puppy so excited it forgot that it urinated all over the carpet, Fergie’s big smile and cringey exclamation, “Let’s play some basketball!” is icing on the cake. I watched her singing at least ten times and I was in pain from my laughing. She was so hilariously bad that celebrities and basketball players were laughing. Yes, laughing. Poor Jimmy Kimmel’s face was so red and was doing the trying-not-to-laugh dance as his shoulders bobbled up-and-down.

So, instead of having an outrage on Colin Kaepernick and Eric Reid’s kneeling for justice, we can bash Fergie for the disrespect she put on our beloved Anthem. (By the way, Fergie later apologized for her singing).

P.S. ‘Banner’ only has TWO syllables.