By Will Beyreis ’20, Contributor
As our first year of high school draws to a close, both my fellow classmates and I are no doubt reminiscing on the trials and triumphs of our ordeal. With such in mind, I embarked on a quest to obtain whatever advice they might have for next year’s freshman class. It should be noted that the remarks of one student, who wished to remain anonymous, were censored entirely because they are not printable in a publication curated by an educational institution.
In order for the reader to fully understand the gravity of the counsel that follows, it is impeccable that they receive this information: this past week, every male member of the freshman class was banned from the library following unfortunate circumstances in which various printed articles were relieved of their spaces on the library shelves, and then forced to take flight.
This incident was most likely on the mind of Josh Nixon ’20, when he stated that the fledgling high schoolers should “set the literature free: throw [the books] around until their souls are free from this mortal coil.” The school’s Chief Guardian of Literature, Mr. Tracey-Miller, could not be reached for comment on this statement.
Neil Badlani ’20 recommended that the incoming freshmen “prepare for disappointment at every blue and white event,” referring to our class’ dismal record when it comes to intrascholastic competition. As anyone who has attended such a competition can attest, the freshmen are notorious for their lackluster showings at these events.
Renee Twyford ’20 gave perhaps the soundest advice of all when she urged 9th graders to “run from Thornberry at every possible moment,” as the Dean of Darkness tends to inspire utter terror in the hearts and minds of her pupils.
The Dean of Darkness herself recommended that the newest members of the upper school “study,” and keep in mind that “this isn’t middle school anymore,” and “you aren’t seniors.” The laws of the high school’s social hierarchy are institutionally enforced, in that seniors have more freedom than anyone else. Why? Because, that’s why. On the other hand, freshman year opens many doors: students have more choice than ever before. Perhaps the most freeing of freedoms is that as a freshman, one is not expected to set an example for any other high school grade, and as such being wide eyed and mystified is seen as a normal reaction. Although you may at first be frightened, fret not wee scholars! The high school will soon prove to be a magical wonderland filled with possibility and excitement, majesty and wonder, and stress and suffering all rolled into one. Enjoy the ride.
