The Scroll

Faculty Celebrity Crushes

Roshan Chandrakumar

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By Roshan Chandrakumar ’17, Sports Section Editor

Everybody has one. Some aren’t so proud to admit it. Others are looking for any chance to profess their love. They’re people that we will likely never meet, but deep down we yearn for them–celebrity crushes. Without further delay, The Scroll presents: Faculty Celebrity Crush.

Mr. Faulhaber – Jennifer Aniston

“She’s sooooo hot!”


Mr. Miller – Kaley Cuoco

Every physicist’s dream.


Madame Hecker – Harrison Ford and Denzel Washington

Mr. Fossett – Storm Large



Senora Robitaille – Jimmy Fallon


Ms. Floyd – Liam Neeson


Mr. Neugebauer – Katie Aselton

“Sometimes I wish she was my wife.”


Mr. Christiansen – Kerri Russell


Mrs. Christiansen – Josh Hartnett


Senora Castro – Hugh Grant and Denzel Washington


Mr. McGivern – Anthony Hopkins



Mr. Black – Barack Obama and Jennifer Lawrence

“Who’s your celebrity crush?”


“No, like someone you think is cute.”

“Still Obama.”


Ms. Brand – Josh Ritter (Singer)


Dr. McCall-Rosemund Pike


Senora Suarez – Justin Timberlake


Ms. Phillips – Jesse Williams

“It’s his personality.”


Ms. Luebbers – Colin Firth


Mr. Baker- Pam Anderson


Ms. Thornberry- Ryan Gosling


Mr. Milmoe- Padma Lakshmi


Mr. Tracey-Miller – St. Vincent


Dr. Tyrrell – John Adams



Mr. Dunn – Catwoman

“Which Catwoman?”

“I don’t know.”


Mrs. Dunn – Newt Gingrich

“Donald Trump. No Al Gore. Uhhh… Newt Gingrich.”

Not a fan of the small hands I’d presume.

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