By Ruth Kramer ’18, News Editor
Ah Valentine’s Day. It’s that one day of the year when you’re completely aware that you are not in a relationship and that you really, really, really want to be. Whether it’s with the cute barista that gives you your morning latte or your lab partner or your best friend’s brother, most people want to be in a relationship with another person. Even if it’s just to see what they’re like as a human being.
So, for all you single people who don’t want to suffer through yet another Valentine’s Day, here are five options that will help you not only survive this February 14th, but also thrive (on chocolate and loneliness).
1. Throw a singles party. If you’re not super lazy, have enough space in your house, and are wanting to be slightly irritated by 20 people complaining that they’re single all at once, then this is the option for you. To only emphasize that you are all without significant others, buy those heart-shaped cookies that everyone loves so much and break them in half, or draw black jagged lines through them in frosting. Whatever floats your boat. WARNING: This option may lead to excessive crying by many or all of your friends. Make sure you have pathetic love stories and tissues on hand.
2. Actually go out on a date. Hey, if you’re up wearing nice clothes, forking out some hard-earned cash that you were going to spend on a new One Direction poster (because it could very well be your last one), and putting on all of that makeup, then getting a date is just the thing for you. Choose wisely though. Don’t become so desperate for a date this Valentine’s Day that you go out with that guy you “dated” for two weeks in middle school. This can only lead to awkward and short conversations that will leave you both dying to go home at an unusually early hour.
3. Boyfriend/Girlfriend Bonfires. Still have the corsage your ex gave you at Homecoming? Or did you keep that leather bracelet your ex let you have because you loved it oh so much? Burn it. There is actually a season 1 FRIENDS episode (The One with the Candy Hearts) in which Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel try to break the curse of bad boyfriends by burning all the stuff those guys left them with—except their broken hearts. So, if you want some pointers on how to burn those old, useless items, watch an episode of FRIENDS. WARNING: This could be dangerous, so if you’re burning anything at all, do it outside where no one can get hurt and so all your neighbors can truly appreciate how demented you are. And don’t forget to pack some marshmallows for s’mores afterwards.
4. Spread the Love You Don’t Have. I can guarantee that you are one of many who hasn’t felt the love on Valentines. So, make some yummy cookies and feed them to your friends, single or not. Spread some love. And maybe you’ll get a little back in return.
5. Binge watch Netflix and eat all of the candy in your house. Don’t lie. This is totally what you will be doing. Watch some sappy-crappy love story on Hallmark and think about how that will be you some day. Whether that’s true or not is not important when you’re munching on every piece of chocolate in the huge heart box. Watch your favorite TV show and grin because that’s been more reliable than your past two boyfriends. Or try a new TV show because it’s the only thing that will agree to be around you for more than an hour. Just stay in your sweats all day, eat junk food, and binge watch until your eyes dry up.
I hope this guide has helped you decide on your Valentine’s Day plans. Whether you’re burning a picture of you and your ex or if you’re staying up all night exchanging stories of lost, loser love with friends, just have fun. When the sun goes down, February 14th is just another day that requires a little extra candy. So don’t let the day define you, you define your day. And know that it’s okay to cry about the fact that you’ll never meet Harry Styles, even though he is literally your soul mate. You’ll find love, even if it’s not today. Eventually it will be you living that sappy-crappy Hallmark love story.
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