By Joey Hodson ’18, Contributor

As you can see by this National Geographic special, the air horn was used by the firetruck to protect the antelope from the ambulances. Without the air horn, the ambulences would have surely eaten what the firetruck had just preyed upon. Simply put, air horns = no extinction. Did you know that the sound could have been heard 25 miles away? I didn’t either, because it’s not true.

According to this chart, bullies suffer from this kind of defense mechanism, the air horn. Most of them fall into Koch’s postulates Interferon Taeniopygia guttata rhinosinusitis[i].

If you have studied this image below for seven to nine years like myself, you will also see that teachers suffer from being air horned and will quickly retreat back into their shell until given medical attention. Friend issues? No problem! If the air horn is used all the time eventually you won’t have any friends! I must warn the reader because if used upon a sibling, he/she will, as Shakespeare said, “Approach thou like the rugged Russian bear.”

When I took a poll asking students[ii] whether the air horn should be seriously considered as a presidential candidate, which is capable of silencing crowds in seconds during debates, the answer was a definitive yes.

As you can see, able to perform in modern times, past times and future scenarios, the air horn is basically our lord and savior[iii].

Image Sources:

http://www.meke.com/CurrentTreatment.html

https://dribbble.com/shots/2052100-Baby-Airhorn

[i] A brief second of mild fear

[ii] Myself multiple times

[iii] A piece of plastic