By John Joy ’18, Contributor

There is no better time of year than fall. We get an entire week of multi-color trees, the promises of colder weather “next week,” and the butt of all jokes: the pumpkin spice latte. But nobody is reading this for my passive aggressive statements on fall, you are here for every insecurity you have on your Halloween costume to be confirmed by somebody who’s managed to fake his way from non-Scroll contributor to the most prestigious position of occasional Scroll contributor (please hold your applause, you’ll look like an idiot if you just randomly clap at your computer).

The “Peter Pan”
No, I’m not referring to the weird elf that kidnaps children, but the equally odd group of people who never seem to realize they are not kids anymore. The probable mindset of these people is something like when you were two and your parents dressed you as a bunny and you hated it. You should totally subject yourself to that exact same embarrassment again! Except it is cool now because it is “cute” and you are totally not in denial that you are not looking for an excuse to binge on SpongeBob and questionably colored food, right?

Like Wolverine, but Better

I’m only here so I won’t get fined.
Everyone, once in their sad lifetime, has been forced to leave the comfort of the Netflix nest for some Halloween party they really do not find necessary at all. Adding insult to injury, they are required to dress themselves like an even bigger idiot than normal. This sort of costume is for people who want to put no effort whatsoever into anything costume related, but at the same time do not want to subject themselves to the embarrassment of being the only person who looks normal in a room where every conversation starts with the full body equivalent of “WHAT ARE THOOOSE!”. Thanks to the joys of procrastination, you cannot go out and buy a costume. Realistically, all you use is random crap you find around the house, and the solution to world peace: duct tape. And before you ask, yes I ran out of knives and had to use spoons for this photo.
The Couples Costume
Are you in a relationship? Do you want to end said relationship? I have a solution for you, the couple’s costume. There is nothing quite like spending hours upon hours convincing your significant other that all the Harry Potter books were wrong and Hermione and Harry would totally have gotten together were not for some odd dark magic according to some fan theory you found in the weird part of the internet. If somehow or another you did manage to convince your SO to indulge your fantasy, then you get go through the magical process of finding out a way to show off your matching costumes to world “by accident.”
The John Joy
In the words of the rapper Drake, “Oh man, oh man oh man oh man.” Many brilliant costumes have been worn by many brilliant people throughout time, such as the King of Sweden’s many hats (if you think I’m joking…) or the brilliant salsa dance costumes worn by the Romans (once again, take a look) or the human costume that Donald Trump’s hair wears. Yet nothing in the history of mankind will ever beat the distilled genius of what I’m wearing this Halloween. I, John Joy am dressing up as none other than the man, the myth, and legend himself, JohnJoy.