By George Crowley, ’16, Tech Desk Editor
This time of year, many Country Day and Indian Hill sophomores are getting ready to pick out their first car, having taken all their driver’s ed. And of course passed the infamous maneuverability test at the Batavia DMV. With this of course comes the question—what car is the safest? I’ve compiled a list of the top five cars best suited for the children of Indian Hill elite.
1. The Jeep Cherokee SRT8: This car is the top of the line for Jeep, equipped with everything: an enormous 6.4 liter fuel devouring V8, all-wheel drive, race spec brakes and more! With 475 horsepower, this Jeep will sprint to 60 in just 4.5 seconds. What does this mean for your? Safe highway merging, and the ability to turn in front of a semi-truck and accelerate out of the way just in time. With a loud performance exhaust, this Jeep also ensures the safety of other drivers, by alerting everyone in a 2 mile or so radius that a car is headed their way! What could be safer?
2. Up next is BMWs highest tier offering when it comes to safe SUVs—the X6M. If you’re a fan of humpback whales, this is the car for you; it resembles a whale fitted with wheels, and can even be purchased in a very whale-like blue. Tuned by BMW’s M racing division, this car is absolutely necessary if you want to be able to drive the speed limit in Indian Hill—lesser cars will fall behind quickly. And with a smaller trunk than almost any other comparably sized SUV, your parents can be sure you won’t be throwing any friends in the back on the way to parties!
3. Now for people whose parents really don’t trust them, having more than two seats might cause some worry—what if having all those people in the car distracts them? So our editors went out and found the perfect car, the Lamborghini Huracan. With two doors and two seats, any fears your parents have of you carting around unsavory characters will be immediately dispelled. “But how does it stack up to the other SUVs?” you ask. Quite well, in fact if anything, it’s even safer, with two more cylinders than the Jeep, and a 0-60 sprint that’s more than a second faster. Of course, with limited space, driving a sibling home may require a trip back to school to collect your backpacks, but that’s a small price to pay for safety!
4. Back to SUVs, next up is Mercedes’ G63 AMG SUV. With a design that essentially hasn’t changed for 30 years, you can rest assured that this car is extremely time-tested. It’s extremely competitive with the other SUVs in this segment, making 536 horsepower, again, essentially a requirement for safe highway driving. Where this car really shines though, is its off-roading ability. Because of Ohio’s’ weather, we often get up to 3 inches of snow in the winter—enough to challenge any car. But rest assured, this Mercedes will plow through it with ease. Additionally, when you drive in it, most people will assume you’re with the Albanian mafia, and avoid giving you trouble at all cost: additional peace of mind for your parents.
5. Now everyone hates station wagons right? They’re blocky, unsafe, and outdated. But not so with the Mercedes E63 AMG Wagon. At least not the outdated part. If your parents want to be sure that no one will ever want to come near you, this is the car. It is so profoundly uncool that other drivers will actually avoid you on the road, for fear that their cars will turn into wagons as well. In fact, the only cool thing about this car is the seats, which are fitted with air conditioning for those hot summer days. In terms of specifications, it ranks very similarly to other cars on the list, making it a prime choice if your parents want to destroy your social life when they buy you a car, but still keep you safe.
So obviously, the up and coming Indian Hill or Country Day sophomore will have a lot of choices in vehicles. Which is the best? That’s for their parents to decide, but personally among our editors, we find the E63 wagon to be by far the best choice, as admission of ownership is enough to send image-obsessed teens running. The E63 wagon ensures that it’s only passengers will be extremely unwilling—perfect for overprotective parents.
Image Citations:
http://o.aolcdn.com/dims-shared/dims3/GLOB/legacy_thumbnail/750×422/quality/95/http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2011/11/2012-jeep-grand-cherokee-srt8—01.jpg
http://www.indianhoods.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/2015-BMW-X6M-Price-In-US.jpg
http://images.thecarconnection.com/med/2015-lamborghini-huaracan_100466274_m.jpg
http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2012/06/03-2013-mercedes-benz-g63-amg-fd.jpg
http://o.aolcdn.com/hss/storage/midas/dca40f1d92b749907526815c85b432e/200581300/2014-mercedes-benz-e63-amg-s-wagon-review.jpg
